a deleted poem from The Space Between

The Space Between was my very first book. I think of my characters Beth and Alice pretty regularly but the story has faded a little in my mind. I wrote The Space Between, then called Mouse, when I was struggling to cope with my agoraphobia. It was such a crucial part of my recovery and that email from Little Island saying they would like to publish it changed my life in more ways than I can tell.

Agoraphobia might always be with me but I am no longer ruled by it. I can go outside, I can travel, I can do the things that scare me without panicking and while I believe I would have arrived at this point eventually it is because of Beth and Alice that I am here right now. I will forever be grateful to The Space Between, to Little Island and to that terrified 24 year old me.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently because my life is so much bigger now. I have a whole world of my own. I have friends and forests and family. I can look at the sea without hyperventilating! I go to a writers group, I go to the forest, I’m working on projects with people I adore, I can do events just about anywhere and I’m always challenging myself because I know I can do more and more and more. I have always loved the people in my life, they kept me going, they kept me here. But now I love my life too.

So, all this to say, I recently remembered a little poem we took out of The Space Between because little first-book me thought I could just switch up the perspectives at a whim! It’s a tiny little poem from Alice’s point of view. I love this poem but taking it out was, of course, the right move. But that doesn’t mean it should be never be seen again, right? So here I am, sharing it with you! Thank you for all the love The Space Between has received over the years, you’ll never know all it means to me and how much it helped me heal. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

4pm

Mouse and Beth

Were waiting at the window

The sun poured in on them

Making Mouse’s fur glint

Making Beth shield her eyes as she read aloud 

From a beaten up paperback

Alice picked her way through the garden

And stopped when she saw them

They looked right together

Mouse watching the words 

Fall from Beth’s mouth

Little expressions flowing over her face

A crinkled nose

A smug grin

A raised eyebrow

A heartbroken sigh

She was absentmindedly 

Stroking Mouse’s head

They looked right

And despite

Being on the other side of the glass

Despite being 

On the outside

She felt like part of it

She felt 

Less alone

In this new place